Friends as Family

I miss Alison more than I can say. I miss being able to depend on someone, ask them to give meds to my cat or drive me to the airport or make me grilled cheese when I'm sick or listen to me spiral down a black hole over a boy.

When I moved back to Seattle, I naively thought I could continue building the life I had in Philadelphia. I have friends here but that's just it: they are friends. Alison has become family. Someone who I don't have to hide my foul moods from or feel guilty when I ask for a favor. I miss that feeling of Alison having my back. She's there for me as much as she can be by phone and e-mail and occasional visit but it's not the same. She understood that when I decided to move. It's taken me two painful years to fully grasp the implications of my cross-country relocation. I don't regret the move—I'm building a nice life here now—but I live without the feeling of security I had every time Alison fell asleep on my floor or met me at the gym for a half-assed workout or cracked me up over a BLT at Zeke's.

Good thing for me that I'm visiting her (and get to meet her boyfriend at long last!) in August and she's making the trek out here in September.

B-days on opposite coasts

Jen and I have spent a handful of birthdays in the same city, living it up, and a couple on opposite coasts, since she moved to Seattle two years ago. This year was a big one for her, and the best thing I could think to do was plan a trip so we could celebrate in person. I like the idea of celebrating b-days months later when it suits everyone. My friend Evelyn turned 40 in April but wanted a summer party in her dad's gorgeous Lancaster County backyard, so she had it this weekend. My grandmother used to have Christmas in July so that she could spoil all of us grandkids in person before heading south to Florida for the summer. And now Jen and I will be celebrating her b-day not in late June, as in years past, but in mid-September, when the weather is dry in Seattle and the lattes are flowing just as yummy. I can't wait. I love spoiling my friends for their birthdays, but it's even more fun to spoil them on their home turf, especially when that's thousands of miles away in a dream of a city.

I turn 35 in October, and I think I should plan the 30th birthday party I never had, due to a debaucle of a housesitting situation and an overall pre-mid-life crisis. Maybe Gavin's house will be done by then and he'll let me bring humans here instead of just pets. I like the idea of inhabiting a new space with the people I love. I like the idea that it would be in Gavin's space, where I am spending more and more time and liking it more and more. My dream would be that Jen would be here, too, having spent enough time with Gavin and me to feel like part of the family. That one may have to be put off a few months, too, which is fine with me. Those who know me know that I have a high degree of comfort with the flixibility of time.

Regardless, having the b-day that keeps on giving is peachy to me. If we keep insisiting on making meaning out of these milestones, we might as well get a couple of chances as it.

WWAD?

I joke that Alison is my heterosexual life partner but in fact, she's more than that. She's often my hero. To paraphrase a bloated Jack Nicholson in "As Good as It Gets," she makes me want to be a better woman. We met through publishing circles in Philadelphia but our friendship really blossomed next to the buffet at a New Year's party. We were staking out the ham, I think, and started talking about bawdy female issues. Before long, we had attracted a throng of people eager to participate in the energized conversation she and I were having.

The rest is history.

Since then, Alison and I have shared tears, laughter, outrage, and amusement over work and play. We both are eager to grow our businesses and ourselves, and know we can absolutely rely on the other to support us in whatever capacity is necessary, be it a financial loan, blunt advice, or empathetic listening. I was recently at an event in Portland, Oregon, for women wanting to launch or expand a business. And during a keynote speech about marketing and promoting yourself via technology, I wondered what the hell kind of blog I could create that would keep me engaged and engaging. What would people most want to read and what could potentially be the most helpful? I naturally thought of Alison and our conversations, which last from several minutes (we are busy women) to several hours. We cover it all—pets, our unborn children, cramped apartment/work spaces, men, sex, love, the extra bagel we just shoved down our piehole, challenging friendships, challenging relationships with our families, the new shoes I just bought but feel guilty about, asking for the financial compensation we deserve (so we can buy more boots!)—and as we get started chronicling some of this, I believe we'll be able to cover some valuable and highly entertaining ground.

Alison is the voice in my head when I'm confused or unwilling to trust my instincts. And so far, she hasn't led me astray. If only I would listen to that voice when shoe shopping...

last time in NYC

The last time Jen and I were in New York together was part of the countdown until she relocated to Seattle. Since then (a year and a half ago) we've made the transition from friends who live ten blocks apart to friends who live on opposite coasts. This has meant a lot of time on the phone, and a lot of new endeavors for both of us.

Today's phone call touched on one of my new favorite subjects--money (or, more specifically, getting out of debt and in position to be financially powerful), which is something we've both struggled with for years before we became friends. I'd like to think that within the next two years we will both be debt-free and well on our way to good retirement saving plans and owning our own homes. Talk about coming a long way, baby. I can't convey how much I hated this topic two or three years ago, and Jen and I had our first fight about it (as she reminded me today), five years ago. How did we get from here to there? That's a long answer.

We've also been kicking around the idea of writing something to help other women who want to start their own businesses and work for themselves--the messier emotional and psychological stuff that comes up. We've both built our business over the past few years and have radically different working styles and careers given that we're both writers. I think those differences are part of what makes us an interesting pair.

A little about Jen: she's incredibly creative and industrious and playful and resourceful in all aspects of her life. She's the person you want in your corner if you're stuck in the middle of the desert, in a whitewater raft, in the wake of some guy, or at the makeup counter of a department store. She's open minded in that way where the rubber hits the road--she's put up with me and my opinions and my challenging her for years and responded with a good attitude, thoughful responses, tremendous loyalty, and (when merited) strong boundaries. She makes her own jewelry, knitwear, and scented lotion. She's also the best host and tour guide I've ever known.

Having said all this, I hope it becomes clear after reading a couple of entries how different we are and why we've both grown so much as a result of being friends.